Friday, May 29, 2015

Reality Is Not Reality

Have you ever turned around and found a friend aiming a camera at you and screaming: "Say Cheese"?
You either made a funny face, or you gave a big fake smile.
Either way, that picture was never going to be about you. It would be about a puppet that was told to smile and it did. That friend would later look at that picture and decide to vindictively post it and tag you because you look phony, or they auto-deleted it from their phone.
Then one day, you are having this enthusiastic chat with one of your friends about something that is near and dear to your heart. You are talking energetically and enthusiastically. Someone pops up with a phone and takes your picture without a thought.
It's a damn good picture! It displays your eccentricities, your genuine smile, and it is the real you.
The Real World TV show did the real world a disservice that has snowballed into a nightmare of reality TV shows that keep idiots riveted to their boob tubes night after night after night.
I think I watched about five minutes of The Real World once. I sat there confused for about one minute. Then slowly, the right side of my upper lip slowly lifted into sneering disbelief that there were idiots out there actually watching and believing that crap.
Then came The Osbournes. I like Ozzy. I like his music, his wife, and think he has a good heart. But again came the five minutes of disillusion where I watched his reality show and realized that there was nothing real on this show. I was watching puppets playing for the cameras, giving those same phony smiles or funny faces that you pull out of your ass for that Say Cheese moment.
So twenty years later, and twenty to thirty shows later, idiots are still tuning in for their brain numbing, pseudo-reality TV.
I have never seen the TV show, but I will tell you with frank and brutal honesty, I Hate the Kardashians! Everything about them screams PLASTIC, from their fake booties, to their fake boobs, to their fake lips, and finally their fake smiles.
I love to read the news, but if I see an article that says anything about the Kardashians, I don't read it.
I don't retweet pictures of their plastic faces, and I usually block anything who posts a plethora of those idiots on their Twitter. If I am at the check out at a store, and there is a magazine with one of them on the cover, I will turn the magazine around. I can't stand them.
They have created this "epic" world that is all about their money and their petty arguments. And the only time I would pay good money to see that show is the day that the producers and channel tell them they are canceled!
This I would watch.
I have some friends that are slight religious fanatics. They glued to the TV with the Duck Call Makers. And they love the Duggar family with a passion. These people "walk the walk" according to my friends. They are the true Christians out there (so I have been told).
A few years ago, I saw the overly dramatic mother giving an interview about how "God" wants her to have more kids. I guess she had a few miscarriages (which I wouldn't wish on most people, but she seemed to enjoy the attention.) She said that until "God" told her that He didn't want her to have anymore kids, she would keep trying.
Call me a bitch, but if you have more than five kids and you start miscarrying repetitively, I'm going to call that a sign from God. He has spoken chica... Shut that uterus down!
But my fanatic friends go on and on about how "Godly" these people are!
These "Godly" people have dedicated a large amount of their time promoting traditional marriage, and calling homosexuality a sin. Their marriage is ANYTHING but traditional, and the recent revelations of their own local pedophile in house has sent the religious fan base into a frantic spiral.
Irony is for some of these people who compare homosexuality to pedophilia, it's the difference between consenting adults in a relationship, and a mental instability that can't be treated. One is about love (or sometimes just sex) and the other is about control and raping a non-consenting minor.
The there was Honey Boo-Boo Child. I am sitting here even regretting that I have to type the phrase:  Honey Boo-Boo Child. I feel like I lost IQ points in the translation.
I feel that Honey Boo-Boo Child and Duck Dynasty promote stereotyping and negative perceptions of people from the South.
One would watch these shows and think that all people from the South are stupid, because these phony people on the TV screen are about as dumb as a box of rocks.
But these people are getting PAID to be this dumb. They are getting PAID to promote the idea that they are naturally this way. But they are anything but natural, and you are not watching reality.
You are watching a stage, with cameras and all the right props. Every conversation they have on the screen was thoughtfully planned and implemented to entertain the idiot masses.
I think I am pretty funny sometimes. I will twist a phrase, or play with a word, and I might make people giggle. But it's not my entire life. I don't think that I create absolute hilarity, with tears and laugher more than two times a month (and that might be pushing it!)
So for the watchers to assume that these guys actually figured out what they were going to say on a whim and it keeps people rolling in the aisles on a weekly basis, is to assume that these people are actually funny.
It's a well-planned, well-implemented script by some director or producer pulling the puppet strings in the background.
Give me fantasy, and a fake screen with a fake plot of superheroes or drama, or a good book of improbabilities, and I will get more laughter and more tears than I would from any Reality TV.
If I want reality, I'll live it and not let anyone else pretend that they can do it better!  


  1. You know, I used to be astounded by the popularity of 'reality' TV. Could not for the life of me figure out the attraction. As you say, it's obviously fake, planned, scripted, etc. (Although I do like the Voice because to me it's more a competition than 'reality.') But I think I get why people watch this stuff - I think it's because there is that thing in all of us that likes to know what we're not supposed to know - to eavesdrop on other people's lives without consequence. That spectatorism gene that we possess urges us to get sucked in.

    Or people just really like bad TV.

    Hollywood loves it because it's vastly cheaper and easier for them to produce than a traditional drama or comedy. And the 'actors' don't command 6-figure salaries. So to them it's a no-brainer.

    The sad thing is that as long as people watch, the networks will continue to produce this stuff. Although I think somewhere I read that the popularity of these shows are on a decline. Naturally, it'll take Hollywood about five years to get the message.

    In the meantime, there are plenty of books to read and a few shows worth watching though.


  2. Your book is next! I am just progressing slowly right now!